As powerful as anyone may claim God to be, somehow he always needs money.

When you quit school at an early age, I think you have a lifelong need to show the world - and maybe yourself - that you're really smart after all.

The child molester skipped breakfast, but said he'd grab a little something on the way to work.

The keys to America: The cross, the brew, the dollar, and the gun.

Comedy, I figured, was the thing that came to me the most easily. Playing the trumpet and piano took practice. I thought that was a waste of time. I'd go out on the street corner and be funny. In a minute.

To me, fast food is when a cheetah eats an antelope.

Let me get a sip of water here... you figure this stuff is safe to drink? Actually, I don't care, I drink it anyway. You know why? Because I'm an American and I expect a little cancer in my food and water. I'm a loyal American and I'm not happy unless I let government and industry poison me a little bit every day.