As powerful as anyone may claim God to be, somehow he always needs money.

We kind of shape our truths as we speak them. We fashion things to suit the occasion or the person or our own needs in the moment.

In my fifth-grade yearbook - it's right up there on the top shell - the last page says, "What about your future?" and under my name, it says, "When I grow up, I would like to be either an actor, a radio announcer, an impersonator or a comedian."

No one ever says, 'It's only a game' when their team is winning.

So I say, “Live and let live.” That’s my motto. “Live and let live.” And anyone who can’t go along with that, take him outside and shoot the motherfucker. It’s a simple philosophy, but it’s always worked in our family.

Baseball is the only major sport that appears backwards in a mirror.

There's this man who lives in the sky, and he has ten things he doesn't want you to do, and you'll burn for a long time if you do them. But he loves you.