Hey! Who stole my collection of used bandages?! And they also got away with my nude pictures of Ernest Borgnine!
George CarlinIt was the typical paranoid experience [to hide coke]. As soon as I knew my hiding place, I thought the whole world knew it. I'd write clues to my hiding places in code, then forget the code and spend the rest of the day looking for my coke.
George CarlinYou've built up so much speed that you HIT 70! After that it's a day-by-day thing; you HIT Wednesday!
George CarlinI think it keeps the child alive in me. There's a thrill when you steal something in plain view of other people.
George CarlinIf there were only one cherry pie in the world, and Bill Clinton owned it, I might get a piece of it. If Bush or Reagan owned it, you'd have to kill them to get a piece of pie. That's my feeling about Bill. And Bill's a good bullshitter. America likes a good bullshitter. That's one of the reasons he was re-elected. Honesty has no place in politics. It would throw everything off.
George Carlin