People get all upset about torture, but when you get right down to it, it's really a pretty good way of finding out something a person doesn't want you to know.

Why is it called tourist season if we can't shoot at them?

By the age of six or seven, I was already doing voices and faces, making my friends and my mother laugh.

A lot of times when they catch a guy who killed twenty-seven people, they say, He was a loner. Well, of course he was a loner; he killed everyone he came in contact with.

Christian Deodorant: "Thou Shalt Not Smell"

They say if you outlaw guns, only outlaws will have guns. Well, those are precisely the people who need them!

When you think about it, 12:15 P.M. is actually 11:75 A.M.