The next time a prostitute solicits your business, ask for the clergyman's rate.

By the age of six or seven, I was already doing voices and faces, making my friends and my mother laugh.

I think religion is very anti-man. I think it's a terrible distortion and exploitation of a very natural urge every human has - to be rejoined with the one somehow, to become a part of the universe. Once the high priests and the traders took over, we were lost as a species.

One good reason to only maintain a small circle of friends is that three out of four murders are committed by people who know the victim.

Life is tough, then you die.

I was never a pipe or bong man. That's California stuff. I was an Eastern roller.

Y'ever notice how you never seem to get laid on Thanksgiving? I think it's because all the coats are on the bed.