The things they don't tell you in schools these days, geez. Have a look at your owners. The politicians are put there to give you the idea you have freedom of choice. You don't. You have no choice; you have owners. They own you. They own everything.

Why don't they have waiters in waiting rooms?

If God had intended us not to masturbate, He would have made our arms shorter.

The child molester skipped breakfast, but said he'd grab a little something on the way to work.

It was just a compulsion. In fact, I soon realized that the only thing I really enjoyed was the actual snorting.

Professional soldiers are people who die for a living.

There's a humorous side to every situation. The challenge is to find it.