There's some invisible guy, up in the sky, who can kill you, because he loves you.

I always wanted and enjoyed sex, but I never put much importance on scoring or having an athletic sex life. I guess I define myself more by my career and my commitment to a relationship than by my ability to have a lot of chicks or achieve ten orgasms in an evening.

Beethoven was so hard of hearing, he thought he was a painter.

When I got out of high school they retired my jersey, but it was for hygiene and sanitary reasons.

I was taken to the hospital for observation. I stayed several days, didn't observe anything, and I left.

It's the American view that everything has to keep climbing: productivity, profits, even comedy.

You know what I like about the American form of government? They've worked things out so that you're never far from a 7-Eleven.