I like to say two things in life that mean the most: genetics and luck. When you look at it realistically, genetics is luck too. Because you could have been born in some really terrible situation and never had a chance to realize yourself or see who you were. And so the luck of genetics and then after that, circumstances, those are the two guiding things.

Scientists announced today that they have discovered a cure for apathy. However, they claim no one has shown the slightest interest in it.

Honesty may be the best policy, but it's important to remember that apparently, by elimination, dishonesty is the second-best policy.

Test of Metal: Will of Iron, Nerves of Steel, Heart of Gold, Balls of Brass.

I would never want to be a member of a group whose symbol was a guy nailed to two pieces of wood.

I always have these little internal monologues. You'll get used to them.

I have as much authority as the Pope, I just don't have as many people who believe it.