I like to say two things in life that mean the most: genetics and luck. When you look at it realistically, genetics is luck too. Because you could have been born in some really terrible situation and never had a chance to realize yourself or see who you were. And so the luck of genetics and then after that, circumstances, those are the two guiding things.

No one who has had "Taps" played for them has ever been able to hear it.

Why is it called tourist season if we can't shoot at them?

In football the object is to march into enemy territory and cross his goal. In baseball the object is to go home.

If Helen Keller had psychic ability, would you say she had a fourth sense? What year did Jesus think it was?

If churches want to play the game of politics, let them pay admission like everyone else.

So, have a little fun. Soon enough you'll be dead and burning in Hell with the rest of your family.