The word bipartisan usually means some larger-than-usual deception is being carried out.

You can't be the fastest gun in town forever. There comes a time when you're not the golden boy, and you have to go off somewhere and figure yourself out.

Because Brenda [Carlin] had a drinking problem along with the coke, she had to hit bottom first. Most alcoholics do. And for her, bottom was an automobile accident that almost landed her in jail.

The captain has just turned on the fasten-seat-belt-sign. He didn't mean to, but the joint he was smoking fell in his lap, and when he jumped up, his head hit the switch.

When he got loaded, the human cannonball knew there were not many men of his caliber.

I like my jokes to be built on a foundation of ideas, or at least smart observations.

I'm in shape. Round is a shape.