One philosopher has rightly said that property is theft. But I'd like to use my future ownership of property to give something back.

Dusting is a good example of the futility of trying to put things right. As soon as you dust, the fact of your next dusting has already been established.

What does it mean to pre-board? Do you get on before you get on?

We will never be an advanced civilization as long as rain showers can delay the launching of a space rocket.

Do you know the nicest thing about looking at pictures of a 1950's baseball park? The only people wearing baseball caps are the players.

The more syllables a euphemism has, the further divorced from reality it is.

The fact that I didn't finish school left me with a lifelong need to prove that I'm smart, prove it to myself, maybe to the world. I [also] needed to be - not the center of attention - but I needed to be able to attract attention when I wanted it, through my stunts and my fooling around physically with faces or postures or voices I would do. Those things are important elements in the drive behind all of this [my career].