If all our national holidays were observed on Wednesdays, we could wind up with nine-day weekends.
George CarlinI'll tell you a little secret about the Blues: it's not enough to know which notes to play, you have to know why they need to be played.
George CarlinAll patriarchal societies are either preparing for war, at war, or recovering from war.
George CarlinI was taken to the hospital for observation. I stayed several days, didn't observe anything, and I left.
George CarlinThe two big mistakes were the belief in a sky god - that there's a man in the sky with 10 things he doesn't want you to do and you'll burn for a long time if you do them - and private property, which I think is at the core of our failure as a species. That's the source of my indignations, my dissatisfactions, however it comes out on the stage. I feel betrayed by the people I'm part of, these creatures, these magnificent creatures.
George Carlin