The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.

The only person who is with us our entire life, is ourselves.

People who ask "Can I ask you a question?" Didn't really give me a choice, did ya there buddy?

Praying is begging for an unseen deity to alter the laws of nature for someone admittedly unworthy.

The Baby Boomers: whiny, narcissistic, self-indulgent people with a simple philosophy: "Gimme that! It's mine!"

Language always gives you away.

I'm not collegial, I don't hang out. I'm soloist, I like my solitude, I don't really hang around with comedians.