The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.

Just think, right now as you read this, some guy somewhere is gettin' ready to hang himself.

The only good thing about religion is the music. Because nature is filled with balances and opposites, there are always exceptions to the overall rules, whether the overall rules are bleak or otherwise. If you propound a joyous theory of existence, I will find an exception to that. If I propound a bleak theory, someone will find a joyous exception. That's just nature being nature, I think, and I don't think it offers a lot of hope. It's sort of a respite along the way.

When you visualize the recent past, do you see it as being somewhere over on the left?

Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard

If the cops didn't see it, I didn't do it!

Griddle cakes, pancakes, hot cakes, flapjacks: why are there four names for grilled batter and only one word for love?