The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.

We think in language. We think in words. Language is the landscape of thought.

We're having something a little different this year for Thanksgiving. Instead of a turkey, we're having a swan. You get more stuffing

Energy experts have announced the development of a new fuel made from human brain tissue. It's called assohol.

If you're looking for self-help, why would you read a book written by somebody else?

Language is the most elementary aspect to our humanness, probably. In addition to that, it's the embodiment, it's the apotheosis of the human experience, it's the way we summarize ourselves.

The more complicated the order, the bigger the asshole. If you walk into a Starbucks and order a 'decaf grandee, half soy, half lowfat, iced vanilla, double-shot, gingerbread cappuccino, extra dry, light ice, with one Sweet-n'-Low and one NutraSweet,' ooooh, you're a huge asshole.