When I was young I used to read about the decline of Western civilization, and I decided it was something I would like to make a contribution to.

The wisest man I ever knew taught me something I never forgot. And although I never forgot it, I never quite memorized it either. So what I’m left with is the memory of having learned something very wise that I can’t quite remember.

Never give up on an idea simply because it is bad and doesn't work.

Isn’t making a smoking section in a restaurant like making a peeing section in a swimming pool?

If you nail a tool shed closed, how do you put the hammer away?

The surgeon general warned today that saliva causes stomach cancer. But apparently only when swallowed in small amounts over a long period of time.

Inside every cynical person, there is a disappointed idealist.