A scary dream makes your heart beat faster. Why doesn't the part of your brain that controls your heartbeat realize that another part of your brain is making the whole thing up? Don't these people communicate?

As it stands right now, I lead Richard Pryor in heart attacks, two to one. However, Richard still leads me, one to nothing, in burning yourself up.

"No comment" is a comment.

The planet is fine. The people are f****d. Because everyone is trying to save the planet. The planet doesn’t need that. The planet will take care of itself. People are selfish. And that's what they're doing is trying to save the planet for themselves to have a nicer place to live.

Catholic, which I was until I reached the age of reason

Do you remember Barbara Bush? I call her the silver douchebag.

Hey! Who stole my collection of used bandages?! And they also got away with my nude pictures of Ernest Borgnine!