To me, smoking pot meant sitting with a newspaper on my legs, rolling the seeds down, pulling the twigs out and finally producing a perfectly cylindrical, absolutely wonderful joint that you either locked at both ends or pinched off, or pinched at one end and left open at the other.

If honesty were suddenly introduced into American life, the whole system would collapse.

I believe myself to be a worthwhile and inventive performer in my own right. [And] I want to be known for what I do best.

With humans it's abortion, but with chickens it's an omelet.

Have you ever noticed that the lawyer always smiles more than the client?

Where ideas are concerned, America can be counted on to do one of two things: Take a good idea and run it completely into the ground, or take a bad idea and run it completely into the ground.

Intelligence tests are biased toward the literate.