All Christian religions are outer-directed. "Who can I convert?" "Let's go to this country and make them Christians." "Wear this." "Do that." "No, don't worship that way. Worship this way or I'll kill you - for the good of your soul, of course." Meanwhile, followers of Eastern religions are sitting in the middle of their minds, experiencing a bliss and a level of consciousness that Western man can't begin to approach.

Part of the pleasure of being alive is the knowledge that you're not dead yet.

Laugh often, long and loud. Laugh until you gasp for breath.

The caterpillar does all the work, but the butterfly gets all the publicity.

I believe myself to be a worthwhile and inventive performer in my own right. [And] I want to be known for what I do best.

I think everyone should treat one another in a Christian manner. I will not, however, be responsible for the consequences.

I noticed that all the prayers I used to offer to God, and all the prayers I now offer to Joe Pesci, are being answered at about the same 50% rate. Half the time I get what I want, half the time I don't... Same as the four-leaf clover and the horseshoe...same as the Voodoo Lady who tells you your fortune by squeezing the goat's testicles, it's all the same: 50-50. So just pick your superstition, sit back, make a wish, and enjoy yourself.