I don't care much about the outcome. I'd like for people to feel better and have better lives, but I don't think that's in the cards through political action. I think bloodshed is still the way you get dramatic change. That'll never happen because they've got all the guns now. At least they've got the nice guns, the big ones, the ones with night vision.

The base of evil in the world is religion of any kind

I try not to see new comics - their acts or their films. Part of that is professional. I don't want to be influenced. But another part is fear and jealousy. I'm afraid to see how good they might be. I don't like that emotion, but it's part of me.

A crazy person doesn't really lose his mind. It just becomes something more entertaining.

By elimination, dishonesty is the second-best policy.

Every day I beat my own previous record for the number of consecutive days I’ve stayed alive.

Just cause you got the monkey off your back doesn't mean the circus has left town.