Some people think that words can injure the psyche or the moral fiber. And they really can't.

If work is so terrific, how come they have to pay you to do it?

Religion has actually convinced people that there's an invisible man living in the sky.

When someone is impatient and says, 'I haven't got all day,' I always wonder, How can that be? How can you not have all day?

I have as much authority as the Pope, I just don't have as many people who believe it.

I went straight from shenanigans to crimes against humanity.

I literally didn't know my father. My mother had been a secretary, and after she and my father split, she went back to work for an advertising executive. So my older brother and I were "latch-door kids." We went home for lunch and after school by ourselves.