If someone loves you and they leave and don't come back, it was never meant to be. If someone loves you and they leave and come back, set them on fire.

Why do they put Braille on the drive-through bank machines?

Tonight's forecast: DARK. Continued mostly dark tonight, turning to wildly scattered light in the morning

I hope no one asks me to show them the ropes; I have no idea where they are. Maybe I could pull some strings and find out.

As you swim the river of live, do the breast stroke. It helps to clear the turds from your path.

The older you get, the better you realize you were.

There are only two types of motorists: the idiots who drive slower than me, and the lunatics who go faster.