I do this real moron thing, and it's called thinking. And apparently I'm not a very good American because I like to form my own opinions.

Because Brenda [Carlin] had a drinking problem along with the coke, she had to hit bottom first. Most alcoholics do. And for her, bottom was an automobile accident that almost landed her in jail.

Language always gives you away.

I don't know how you feel, but I'm pretty sick of church people. You know what they ought to do with churches? Tax them. If holy people are so interested in politics, government, and public policy, let them pay the price of admission like everybody else. The Catholic Church alone could wipe out the national debt if all you did was tax their real estate.

I don't like the phrase shock value. Surprise is essential in comedy, and if people are shocked by what I consider merely surprising, then that's their shock. But there is no joke without surprise.

I believe myself to be a worthwhile and inventive performer in my own right. [And] I want to be known for what I do best.

When you quit school at an early age, I think you have a lifelong need to show the world - and maybe yourself - that you're really smart after all.