If God is all powerful, can He make a stone so big that He Himself can't lift it?

The person who is most a part of me is the performer, is the standup, the guy who says, "Hey look at me, listen to this!" I do that because that's what I do, I love doing it.

Language is a tool for concealing the truth. If we could read each other's minds, this would be a horror show.

Isn’t making a smoking section in a restaurant like making a peeing section in a swimming pool?

On Thanksgiving, you realize you're living in a modern world. Millions of turkeys baste themselves in millions of ovens that clean themselves.

How is it possible to have a civil war?

I hope I'm beginning a new cycle of energy and creativity. If so, it'll really be my third career. The first was as a straight comic in the Sixties. The second was as a counterculture performer in the Seventies. The third will be...well, that's for others to judge.