If a painting can be forged well enough to fool experts, why is the original so valuable?

The whole problem with the world today: private property. If no one owned anything, it would be a lot better. There's even an entire industry devoted to keeping an eye on other people's stuff. This is how stupid it's got. If you decide to get rid of a lot of your stuff, you can give it to a thrift shop or to Goodwill.

There are nights when the wolves are silent and only the moon howls.

Flowers are one of the few things we buy, bring home, watch die, and we don't ask for our money back.

We're not supposed to mention f***ing in mixed company, but that's exactly where it takes place.

I noticed that all the prayers I used to offer to God, and all the prayers I now offer to Joe Pesci, are being answered at about the same 50% rate. Half the time I get what I want, half the time I don't... Same as the four-leaf clover and the horseshoe...same as the Voodoo Lady who tells you your fortune by squeezing the goat's testicles, it's all the same: 50-50. So just pick your superstition, sit back, make a wish, and enjoy yourself.

When you visualize the recent past, do you see it as being somewhere over on the left?