I say if you're going to go for the Angel bullshit you might as well go for the Zombie package as well.

My advice: Just keep movin' straight ahead. Every now and then you find yourself in a different place.

Let me get a sip of water here... you figure this stuff is safe to drink? Actually, I don't care, I drink it anyway. You know why? Because I'm an American and I expect a little cancer in my food and water. I'm a loyal American and I'm not happy unless I let government and industry poison me a little bit every day.

I think the warning labels on alcoholic beverages are too bland. They should be more vivid. Here are a few I would suggest: "Alcohol will turn you into the same asshole your father was."; "Drinking will significantly improve your chances of murdering a loved one."; "If you drink long enough, at some point you will vomit up the lining of your stomach."; "Use this product and you may wake up in Morocco wearing a cowboy suit and tongue-kissing a transmission salesman."

Don’t just teach your children to read… Teach them to question what they read. Teach them to question everything.

Men are from Earth, women are from Earth. Deal with it.

One great thing about getting old is that you can get out of all sorts of social obligations just by saying you're too tired.