So long as there is one pretty girl left on the stage, the professional undertakers may hold up their burial of the theater.

The sweetest memory is that which involves something which one should not have done; the bitterest, that which involves something which one should not have done, and which one did not do.

Sex touches the heavens only when it simultaneously touches the gutter and the mud.

There is something distinguished about even his failures; they sink not trivially, but with a certain air of majesty, like a great ship, its flags flying, full of holes.

What passes for woman's intuition is more often intrinsically nothing more than man's transparency.

An optimist is a fellow who believes a housefly is looking for a way to get out.

I know many married men, I even know a few happily married men, but I don't know one who wouldn't fall down the first open coal hole running after the first pretty girl who gave him a wink.