If they'd wanted a nice parrot, they wouldn't have asked for me.

A lot of people who claim they're political comedians are just comedians who have opinions. But they stop being funny the minute they give their opinions.

R2D2 has gotten more work since “Star Wars” than Carrie Fisher

With Katrina, it's almost like the sequel that doesn't live up to the original. It's certainly a shocking event and a tragedy, but somehow as a big event it doesn't seem to carry as much weight with the public as 9/11 did.

I sincerely apologize to anyone who was offended by my attempt at humor regarding the tragedy in Japan. I meant no disrespect, and my thoughts are with the victims and their families.

If you have the Old Testament at home, if you flip the corner pages, you can see Jesus riding a horse.

I've never been one of those who wanted to fill my calendar up 90 percent of the time.