A lot of people who claim they're political comedians are just comedians who have opinions. But they stop being funny the minute they give their opinions.

I'm one of those people that picks up the remote control and just keep hitting constantly, even if I like the show I'm watching.

With me, traveling for work is arriving at the airport, checking into the hotel, leaving the hotel the next morning at 4 or 5 to do something like 'The Jimmy and Jackie Captain Crazy Morning Zoo,' doing a bunch of those in a row, then going back to the hotel, and then finally going to the club.

I just split up with my girlfriend, but like the Japanese say, “They’ll be another one floating by any minute now.”

I've never been one of those who wanted to fill my calendar up 90 percent of the time.

What do Japanese Jews love to eat? Hebrew National Tsunami.

Off-camera, I sound like Perry Como.