I guess if they ever do a remake of 'Sophie's Choice,' I could play the Meryl Streep part. I've got to work on my Polish accent. Maybe I'll be the definitive King Lear one day. You know, if they ever feel that King Lear should be more Jewy.

I found out about Jonathan Winters death a day after it happened. That seems wrong. A talent like his should be more revered. The world knew about Kim Kardashians divorce before she did.

I can't even find someone for a platonic relationship, much less the kind where someone wants to see me naked.

I don't know if I change my act from century to century. Sometimes I'm onstage doing imitations and references to people who have been dead for 50 years.

I've done a lot of Fox shows since then - Married with Children, Living Single and a whole bunch of other Fox things.

I just split up with my girlfriend, but like the Japanese say, “They’ll be another one floating by any minute now.”

I'm known for my slightly inappropriate remarks.