At the Last Supper how come no one sat on the other side of the table? See, I think originally there were people sitting on the other side but those were the people going, You know, the air conditioning hits me right on the back on the neck.

Unfortunately, I've never been mistaken as Johnny Depp.

With the Internet, if you erase something it just means you have to spend another half-minute to find it.

If they'd wanted a nice parrot, they wouldn't have asked for me.

There definitely is exposure in reality shows, but the exposure will basically get you more reality shows.

I'd like to have a kid, but I'd probably get a Frank Sinatra Jr. instead of a Gilbert Gottfried Jr. I'd totally screw up like that.

I was Jewish, through and through, although in our house that didn't mean a whole lot. We never went to synagogue. I never had a Bar Mitzvah. We didn't keep kosher or observe the Sabbath. In fact, I'm not so sure I would have known what the Sabbath looked like if it passed me on the street, so how could I observe it?