At the Last Supper how come no one sat on the other side of the table? See, I think originally there were people sitting on the other side but those were the people going, You know, the air conditioning hits me right on the back on the neck.

Comedy historians take note: this Gottfried character doesn't have the best eye for detail - and, for a Jew, he doesn't have the best eye for retail, either.

I think of Alan Thicke as Perry Como without the excitement.

If someone else is paying for it, food just tastes a lot better.

I always try to avoid anything that has to do with my life.

Unfortunately, I've never been mistaken as Johnny Depp.

You know what my theory is? Accept me or go to hell.