Well, I play Jews and parrots. Parrots are how I've branched out.

Every time you open the paper now, there seems to be another celebrity getting arrest for masturbation. First, it was Peewee Herman and then George Michael. If masturbation's a crime, I should be on death row.

A lot of people who claim they're political comedians are just comedians who have opinions. But they stop being funny the minute they give their opinions.

You know what my theory is? Accept me or go to hell.

Nothing can help my comedy.

I think of Alan Thicke as Perry Como without the excitement.

I just don't accept midgets as human beings. There's only so much political correctness I can accept.