I'd make Jack Benny look like a philanthropist.

The pressure to being a comedian is being funny, but I've given that up, so there is no pressure whatsoever.

People have many theories about comedy, but being just plain funny is the one most important thing.

You know what my theory is? Accept me or go to hell.

I'm one of those people, in any country I'm in, if somebody could just put me in a car or a bus, I'll look out the window and say, 'OK, there's the Tower of London, there's Buckingham Palace, there's Big Ben,' and if it all takes about five minutes, perfect. I've seen all of it and I can go home.

A lot of people who claim they're political comedians are just comedians who have opinions. But they stop being funny the minute they give their opinions.

Well, I play Jews and parrots. Parrots are how I've branched out.