Unfortunately, I've never been mistaken as Johnny Depp.

I'm one of those people that picks up the remote control and just keep hitting constantly, even if I like the show I'm watching.

I always wish the hotels were like they are in movies and TV shows, where if you're in Paris, right outside your window is the Eiffel Tower. In Egypt, the pyramids are right there. In the movies, every hotel has a monument right outside your window. My hotel rooms overlook the garbage dumpster in the back alley.

You know what my theory is? Accept me or go to hell.

The pressure to being a comedian is being funny, but I've given that up, so there is no pressure whatsoever.

I just don't accept midgets as human beings. There's only so much political correctness I can accept.

There are times when I've had ideas walking down the street that I thought were great, and the minute I got onstage, I would think of them and go, 'Wow, that would never work,' even before I did it in front of the audience.