Never place a period where God has placed a comma.

All the other candidates are making speeches about how much they have done for their country, which is ridiculous. I haven't done anything yet, and I think it's just common sense to send me to Washington and make me do my share.

My husband will never chase another woman. He's too fine, too decent, too old.

I left my car parked at the top of Lombard Street Hill, and I forgot to put the breaks on. It's the funniest thing. The car is running down the hill.

A friend asked her doctor if a woman should have children after thirty-five. I said, "Thirty-five children is enough for any woman.

This recipe is certainly silly. It says to separate two eggs, but it doesn't say how far to separate them.

A platform is something a candidate stands for and the voters fall for.