Part of being a comedian is that it's your job to look at life and regurgitate it in a funny way, to point out its absurdities.

As a guy I never liked being told to call, which my wife really never does, and that's why I call her as often as I do.

Remember always what you set out to get, and please don’t settle for less.

Wasting time with the wrong person is just time wasted.

Don't waste the pretty

The reason it's so painful when someone disappears is you have to face the fact that the person you loved had probably left you a long time before he grabbed his coat and scrammed.

If a man is really into you, nothing will stop him from being with you - including a fear of intimacy.