Can you deep fry the bacon? Oh how I wish you would.

Alone also means available for someone outstanding.

First of all, never buy a man a plasma TV until you're married. A lot of men once they have a plasma TV they don't need a girlfriend

I always tell people it's funny that they think I'm a relationship expert because my two books are about getting out of relationships.

I'm just saying, tonight, if you're going through a breakup and you're drinking, don't call. Just don't do it. Don't call. Because here's the thing: booze has information in it!

I'm just not interested in daytime television, which is something you should remember the next time somebody offers you a daytime talk show.

The pain of being in a bad relationship is confusing. When it's over - it's over. No more confusion!