For me, a breakup changed my entire life. I was a mess. I really got rocked, and I ended up turning it into a positive thing.

But what I can do is paint you a picture of what you’ll never see when you’re with a guy who’s really into you: You’ll never see you staring maniacally at your phone, willing it to ring. You’ll never see you ruining an evening with friends because you’re calling for your messages every fifteen seconds. You’ll never see you hating yourself for calling him when you know you shouldn’t have. What you will see is you being treated so well that no phone antics will be necessary. You’ll be too busy being adored.

There are three kinda men in the world. There's men that own rope, men that use eye creme, and that dude from Nickleback.

Being brokenhearted is like having broken ribs. On the outside it looks like nothing's wrong, but every breath hurts.

If he's choosing not to make a simple effort that would put you at ease and bring harmony to a recurring fight, then he doesn't respect your feelings and needs.

There are only so many ways to get people to go see stand-up, that it really is about the product; it's not so much about the theme of the show.

I will go anywhere if you say the phrase 'there might be cake.' I would go to the Department of Motor Vehicles, register somebody else's boat in Spanish, a language I do not speak, without ID - for cake.