We (men) would rather lose an arm out a city bus window than tell you simply, “You’re not the one.” We are quite sure you will kill us or yourself or both—or even worse, cry and yell at us.

Don’t spend your time on and give your heart to any guy who makes you wonder about anything related to his feelings for you

We have become a sloppy bunch of people. We say things we don’t mean. We make promises we don’t keep.

The time it takes to feel better about a breakup is directly proportional to the time it takes to feel better about yourself.

I love astute observations and really great wordplay. I love the way that Louis C.K. observes life, and I love the way Patton Oswalt talks about it.

I'm just not interested in daytime television, which is something you should remember the next time somebody offers you a daytime talk show.

Every time you see him, you only make yourself vulnerable to further heartache. Do you really need further proof that he's getting on with his life without you?