The one cool thing with getting older is that you can actively choose to just be an eccentric.

If we're friends with someone and attracted to them, we're going to want to take it further.

There are three kinda men in the world. There's men that own rope, men that use eye creme, and that dude from Nickleback.

Most comics worship music on some level. It's more rock-n-roll to get up there for an hour and make people laugh.

My buddy Tom... he'd been chasing a girl for two years, and he got her the old-fashioned way - dates and listening.

A friend of mine told a story about a date with a guy she was really excited about: He stood her up. He then called her, begging her forgiveness and giving some excuse. She told him to get lost, telling him that he only gets one shot with her, and he blew it.

The time it takes to feel better about a breakup is directly proportional to the time it takes to feel better about yourself.