I'm no longer a prisoner of my fears. Which really just means I'm using real butter.

We're taught that in life, we should try to look on the bright side. Not in this case. In this case, assume rejection first. Assume you're the rule, not the exception. It's liberating. But we also know it's not an easy concept. -He's not just into you

A man would rather be trampled by elephants on fire than tell you he's just not that into you.

I'm just saying, tonight, if you're going through a breakup and you're drinking, don't call. Just don't do it. Don't call. Because here's the thing: booze has information in it!

An excuse is a polite rejection. Men are not afraid of 'ruining the friendship.

Good enough to tweet, not to say.

I've never tried to pass myself off as anything more than a comedian who wrote a dating book.