There's one way to find out if a man is honest - ask him. If he says, 'Yes,' you know he is a crook.

I don't have change I'd have to give you nine more books

Man does not control his own fate. The women in his life do that for him.

I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.

I think that the Peeps or Peppies or Pipes diaries would be much more popular had there been a universal pronuncation of his name.

Heifer cow is better than none, but this is no time for puns

Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.