There's one way to find out if a man is honest - ask him. If he says, 'Yes,' you know he is a crook.

Those are my principles, and if you don't like them... well, I have others.

John you say you met in an elevator. Was the elevator going up at the time, or down? This is very important, for going down in an elevator one always has that sinking feeling and for all I know you may have this confused with love. If you were going up, it is clearly a case of love at first sight.

I'm going to Iowa for an award. Then I'm appearing at Carnegie Hall, it's sold out. Then I'm sailing to France to be honored by the French government - I'd give it all up for one erection.

You're a great brother. You give us a heart attack worrying about your heart attack, which you didn't even have the decency to have!

Many years ago I chased a woman for almost two years, only to discover that her tastes were exactly like mine: we both were crazy about girls.

Well, art is art, isn't it? Still, on the other hand, water is water.