Don’t ever underestimate the importance of money. I know it’s often been said that money won’t make you happy and this is undeniably true, but everything else being equal, it’s a lovely thing to have around the house.

I love my cigar too, but I take it out of my mouth once in a while.

While money can't buy happiness, it certainly lets you choose your own form of misery.

If I held you any closer I would be on the other side of you.

I hope they bury me near a strait man

Comedians are a much rarer and far more valuable commodity than all the gold and precious stones in the world.

It's hard to get ivory in Africa, but in Alabama the Tuscaloosa