Don’t ever underestimate the importance of money. I know it’s often been said that money won’t make you happy and this is undeniably true, but everything else being equal, it’s a lovely thing to have around the house.

You bet I'm shy. I'm a shyster lawyer.

Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot.

I remember the first time I had sex - I kept the receipt.

I'm not crazy about reality, but it's still the only place to get a decent meal.

I've got the brain of a four year old. I'll bet he was glad to be rid of it.

There's one thing I always wanted to do before I quit... Retire!