I was born at a very early age. Before I had time to regret it, I was four and a half years old.

Whoever named it necking was a poor judge of anatomy.

Anyone buying this book is going to be out a tidy sum if he is sucked in by the title. I wish I could write a real sexy book that would be barred from the mails. Apparently nothing whets a reader's appetite for literature more than the news that the author has been thrown into a federal pokey for disturbing the libido of millions of Americans.

I met my wife on a ferry boat, and when we landed she gave me the slip

And stop pointing that beard at me, it might go off!

Marry me and I'll never look at another horse!

I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book.