I was born at a very early age. Before I had time to regret it, I was four and a half years old.

It's hard to get ivory in Africa, but in Alabama the Tuscaloosa

Policeman: "A hermit eh? Then why's your table set for four?" Groucho: "That's nothing. My alarm clock is set for eight.

If you've heard this story before, don't stop me, because I'd like to hear it again.

I have just one day, today, and I'm going to be happy in it.

I've been looking for a girl like you - not you, but a girl like you.

I'm gonna put extra blankets, free, in all your rooms, and there'll be no cover charge.