You call this a party? The beer is warm, the women cold and I'm hot under the collar.

The husband who wants a happy marriage should learn to keep his mouth shut and his checkbook open.

Mr.Blank's reputation as a card shark had preceded him. No one accused him of being dishonest, but on the other hand no one accused him of being honest.

Heifer cow is better than none, but this is no time for puns

Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read.

I've met a lot of pin-up girls, but I've never been able to pin one down

Why don't you bore a hole in yourself and let the sap run out?