You call this a party? The beer is warm, the women cold and I'm hot under the collar.

A clown is like aspirin, only he works twice as fast.

What have future generations ever done for us?

Before I speak, I have something important to say.

Oh, are you from Wales? Do you know a fella named Jonah-He used to live in whales for a while

Here lies Groucho Marx and Lies and Lies and Lies P.S. He never kissed an ugly girl.

Now there's a man with an open mind - you can feel the breeze from here!