You call this a party? The beer is warm, the women cold and I'm hot under the collar.

I hate London when it's not raining.

A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running.

Will you marry me? Do you have any money? Answer the second question first.

You bet I'm shy. I'm a shyster lawyer.

As soon as I get through with you, you'll have a clear case for divorce and so will my wife.

I hope they bury me near a strait man