I would never join a country club with standards so low as to allow me as a member.

I was so long writing my review that I never got around to reading the book.

Wages? You want to be wage slaves? Answer me that! Of course not. What is it that makes wage slaves? Wages! I want you to be free. Strike off your chains! Strike up the band! Strike three you're out! Remember, there's nothing like Liberty, except Colliers and The Saturday Evening Post. Be free, now and forever. One and individual. One for all and all for me, and tea for two and six for a quarter.

Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read.

Remember men, you are fighting for the ladies honor, which is probably more than she ever did.

You are going Uruguay, and I'm going my way

In America you can go on the air and kid the politicians, and the politicians can go on the air and kid the people.