I would never join a country club with standards so low as to allow me as a member.

The Two Most Important Words In The World Are Honesty And Sincerity, If You Can Fake These You've Got It Made.

If they'd lower the taxes and get rid of the smog and clean up the traffic mess, I really believe I'd settle here until the next earthquake.

I could dance with you until the cows come home. On second thought I'd rather dance with the cows until you come home.

Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.

It isn't necessary to have relatives in Kansas City in order to be unhappy.

[Mrs. Teasdale]: He's had a change of heart. [Groucho]: A lot of good that'll do him. He's still got the same face.