Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read.

I've known and respected your husband for many years, and what's good enough for him is good enough for me

I love my cigar too, but I take it out of my mouth once in a while.

All people are born alike - except Republicans and Democrats.

Even the intellectual crowd will have none of me. Physically, I look like one of them. Graying at the temples, I walk with a slight limp and wear thick glasses.

I remember the first time I had sex - I kept the receipt.

How much would you want to stand at the wrong end of a shooting gallery?