Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read.

Any place I hang my head is home.

Hail, hail Freedonia, land of the free!

A woman is an occasional pleasure but a cigar is always a smoke.

With the possible exception of clothes, beauty salons and Frank Sinatra, there are few subjects all women agree upon.

Three years ago I came to Florida without a nickel in my pocket. Now I've got a nickel in my pocket

Hey you! I told you to slow that nag down! Because of you, I almost heard the opera!