In America you can go on the air and kid the politicians, and the politicians can go on the air and kid the people.

I'm leaving because the weather is too good. I hate London when it's not raining.

He's so full of alcohol, if you put a lighted wick in his mouth he'd burn for three days.

There was no need to inform us of the protocol involved. We were from Chicago and knew all about cement.

I wish to be cremated. One tenth of my ashes shall be given to my agent, as written in our contract.

Remember men, you are fighting for the ladies honor, which is probably more than she ever did.

How would you like to feel the way she looks?