No, Groucho is not my real name. I am breaking it in for a friend. I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception. I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book. I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it. I didn't like the play, but then I saw it under adverse conditions - the curtain was up.

With the possible exception of clothes, beauty salons and Frank Sinatra, there are few subjects all women agree upon.

I'm not crazy about reality, but it's still the only place to get a decent meal.

Poverty makes people sub-human Excess of wealth makes people inhuman

No, Groucho is not my real name. I am breaking it in for a friend.

Money frees you from doing things you dislike. Since I dislike doing nearly everything, money is handy.

Patience is the art of finding something else to do.