I'm not crazy about reality, but it's still the only place to get a decent meal.

Be open minded, but not so open minded that your brains fall out.

When I invite a woman to dinner, I expect her to look at my face. That's the price she has to pay.

I know, I know - you're a woman who's had a lot of tough breaks. Well, we can clean and tighten those brakes, but you'll have to stay in the garage all night.

Why a four-year-old child could understand this report. Run out and find me a four-year-old child. I can't make head nor tail out of it.

In France, for example, it is not unusual for a husband to have a wife and a mistress. However, if in addition to these two he's also having a fling with a fringe tootsie, both the wife and the mistress are outraged and the combination lover, husband, and cheat may well wind up with a large French bread knife between his ribs.

I'll teach you to kick me...' You don't need to teach me--I already know how!