One woman and one man might have been OK in your grandmother's day, but who wants to marry your grandmother? Not even your grandfather!

If we had some eggs we could have eggs and ham, if we had some ham.

Madam, you're making history, in fact, you're making me, and I wish you'd keep my hands to yourself

Either he's dead or my watch has stopped.

One of the best hearing aids a man can have is an attentive wife.

With a little study you'll go a long ways, and I wish you'd start now

Next time I see you, remind me not to talk to you.