One woman and one man might have been OK in your grandmother's day, but who wants to marry your grandmother? Not even your grandfather!

Anyone buying this book is going to be out a tidy sum if he is sucked in by the title. I wish I could write a real sexy book that would be barred from the mails. Apparently nothing whets a reader's appetite for literature more than the news that the author has been thrown into a federal pokey for disturbing the libido of millions of Americans.

Growing old is something you do if you're lucky.

Comedians are a much rarer and far more valuable commodity than all the gold and precious stones in the world.

Humor is reason gone mad.

As soon as I get through with you, you'll have a clear case for divorce and so will my wife.

If it gets any hotter in here I could use a big fan.