I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book.

Military intelligence is a contradiction in terms.

I'm not much of a correspondent. My letters are not only uninteresting but sparse. I'm glad I don?t have to write for a living. It?s arduous work and the money is very uncertain. On those rare occasions when I wander into a bookstore it amazes me to see the avalanche of literature and semi-literature that is turned out weekly in this country. The people who write these things are either desperate for money or love starved. Why should anyone on a nice balmy day lock oneself in an office and hit a typewriter for hours on end. I think one of the greatest pleasures in the world is not writing.

Humor is reason gone mad.

You call this a party? The beer is warm, the women cold and I'm hot under the collar.

Would you mind getting off that fly paper and giving the flies a chance?" "Ahhh, you can't trick me! Flies don't read papers!

A woman is an occasional pleasure but a cigar is always a smoke.