Don't look now, but there's one too many in this room and I think it's you.

Many years ago I chased a woman for almost two years, only to discover that her tastes were exactly like mine: we both were crazy about girls.

Here lies Groucho Marx and Lies and Lies and Lies P.S. He never kissed an ugly girl.

And stop pointing that beard at me, it might go off!

The first thing which I can record concerning myself is, that I was born. These are wonderful words. This life, to which neither time nor eternity can bring diminution - this everlasting living soul, began. My mind loses itself in these depths.

Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly and applying the wrong remedies.

This would be a better place for children if parents had to eat spinach.