I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member.

I don't know. When I was born there was a nurse taking care of me." "What's the matter? Couldn't the nurse take care of herself?" "Sure she could. I just found that out too late.

Time wounds all heels.

I remember the first time I had sex - I kept the receipt.

Getting older is no problem. You just have to live long enough.

With the possible exception of clothes, beauty salons and Frank Sinatra, there are few subjects all women agree upon.

It isn't necessary to have relatives in Kansas City in order to be unhappy.