I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member.

I don’t have a photograph, but you can have my footprints. They’re upstairs in my socks.

The difference between a politician and a snail is that the snail leaves its slime behind. Whoever named it necking was a poor judge of anatomy.

Why, I'd horse-whip you if I had a horse.

Some day there will have to be some new rules established about name-calling. I don't mean the routine cursing that goes on between husband and wife, but the naming of defenseless, unsuspecting babies.

Only one man in a thousand is a leader of men -- the other 999 follow women.

I don't have change I'd have to give you nine more books