I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member.

No, Groucho is not my real name. I am breaking it in for a friend. I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception. I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book. I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it. I didn't like the play, but then I saw it under adverse conditions - the curtain was up.

Well, art is art, isn't it? Still, on the other hand, water is water.

I'm leaving because the weather is too good. I hate London when it's not raining.

The Two Most Important Words In The World Are Honesty And Sincerity, If You Can Fake These You've Got It Made.

I don't want to join the kind of a club that accepts people like me as members.

I was going to thrash them within an inch of their lives, but I didn't have a tape measure.